Quiznos can suck my ass

“Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, zzzzzzz…..”

Right through the security screening at Chicago O’Hare (which I got through with one of those dangerous, deadly bottles of water in my bag – forgot it was there, but noticed my bags on the x-ray screen as the screener’s back was turned to it to talk to the “security” person behind him – your tax dullards at work, don’t you feel safe now?) is tiny Quiznos sub stand.

Long story short: the timestamp on my reciept is 1:19PM, my order number is 86. I realize how much of an error I’ve made when, waiting in a crowd of other people still waiting for their sandwiches, they’re still calling numbers in the 70’s.

There’s three people working behind the counter – one person ringing up sales as fast as people queue up on line, one person making sandwiches as fast as she cares to make them, and another handing them out as fast as they roll out of the oven (i.e. not very).

Some 15 minutes later, and they’re calling numbers in the low 80’s, and I think I might actually get to eat something before my flight. “84!” Soon, very soon. “85!” OK, any minute now.

Except now there’s a shift change for the person pulling the subs out of the oven. She leaves, and is out of sight before her replacement waddles (and I do mean waddles) into view. The replacement doesn’t look like she’s in a hurry to breathe (and appears to be using most of her mental capacity to remain doing so). There’s an empty wire rack from the last sub at the end of the oven conveyor, and it’s keeping the current sub from leaving the oven completely. So while the relief wrapper is punching in and slowly (I don’t think she bent her knees once) squeezing her oompa-loompa frame between the sandwich maker and the oven, I’m watching what I assume to be my sandwich (read on) approach cumbustion.


“What about 86!” I bark, and am sumarily ignored.

It’s now more than 20 minutes past the time on my receipt. “90!” (they failed to call 88 or 89 as well) 20 minutes – this is lousy service on the season opener of Hell’s Kitchen. How long should I be expected to wait for a god-damned sandwich? They only have 4 or 5 kinds on the menu, so it’s not like I confused anyone with something unusual. It’s not like they do anything else.

I decided I wasn’t going to stand for such [dis]service and went back to the cashier and waited on line again to demand a refund. Of course there’s a form that had to be filled out. I’m asked to sign at the bottom, then, “sorry about that.” On the bottom it’s noted, “customer said they waited too long,” as the reason. (The man behind me asked, “what’s good here?” I told him another place down the terminal. When he laughed, I related the above and he heeded my advice.) She handed me back my original receipt, and that was it. I paid with a credit card, so there wasn’t anything necessarily to physically give me, but there was no button pushing on the register, either. We’ll see if it shows up on my statement in a week.

[Disclaimer: I do realize that the quality of service (or lack thereof) of this particular, possibly franchised, establishment may not be indicative of the level of service of the entire chain. I can recall eating at at least two other Quiznos before, and getting my food in a timely enough manner. I’ve also worked for a number of years in the retail food business, so please don’t try to tell me I should have been more respectful of the people who’re only taking whatever jobs are available to them and/or that perhaps I don’t understand the strains of the job.]

Published in: on March 25, 2009 at 2:46 pm  Leave a Comment  
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