What Mitt Romney Doesn’t Get About Responsibility – Bloomberg

Which would you prefer to believe? That you’re not good enough, not smart enough and doggone it, people just don’t like you? Or that the incumbent Democrat has effectively bought off half the country with food stamps and free health care?

via What Mitt Romney Doesn’t Get About Responsibility – Bloomberg.

Published in: on September 24, 2012 at 11:55 am  Leave a Comment  
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If this is parody, it’s not very good

That the author clearly meant it in all seriousness makes it pretty fucking hysterical.

On the evangelical Christian blog, christwire.org, I recently came across (if you’ll excuse the expression) this post: How to Spot a Masturbator. What the fundamentalist is wrong with these people?

If I could say just one thing, it would be, “BWAH AHAAHHAHAH AHAHAHAH AHAHHAHAHA!!!”

I mean, come on. (to use a phrase) I wasn’t sure this site wasn’t a cheap imitation of The Onion after reading the sidebar [screengrab]:

Srsly?

Seriously?

Not only is masturbation something “that can be dealt with in the privacy of your own home,” (HA!)  it “also threatens workplace safety and the overall productivity of our economy.” (WTF!)

Wait, it gets better. Wanking it also causes people “to think more about sex and less about their work at hand.” [emphasis mine]

The author maintains that, despite all of the drawbacks, “masturbation still remains very popular in America.” Ya’ think?

Also, “this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies.” How far? Not that far. (Most people stop after the second knuckle.) Evidently the god in whose image we’re supposedly created is a vile and shameful creature we should be ashamed of.

So how do you find these masturbators? “There are people who claim they can identify a masturbator with one glance.” I have but one criterion myself: do they appear to be breathing?

Get a load (for lack of a better word) of these images [which I jacked (ahem!) from their site]:

does anyone you know look like that?

The text reads: “If pushed, he will lie, cheat and steal to support his habit.” Wait, we’re still talking throttling the little German soldier, not heroin, right? “Many college students fall victim to this lifestyle.” Well it’s about time, I’d say.

OK, A) how did you become privy to the size of Snooki’s “marital aids,” or is this just something you picture in your mind – a lot? (“Tunnel of Fun” was his description, not mine.) B) Even if the size were relevant, I don’t see how the color would be, even if she used said sexual aid to apply her makeup. By contrast, I doubt sweet Penny could use her pencil-thin makeup applicators the same way. (And don’t get me started on what those lips look like they’re plumped up from.)

The last picture on the page suggests that Matt Damon’s clean cut appearance is due to abstention from personal pleasure.

Now, get this: in his bio, the author, one Stephenson Billings, is noted as a “Children’s Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package!” Hey now! Sounds perfectly innocent, I swear! Get your minds out of the gutter!

And let’s not overlook the suggested links at the bottom:

Suggested Moral Readings for You
  • Courageous Kansas State Student Gives Up Masturbating For Jesus
  • Gay Homo Agenda Makes New Penis Toy For Children
  • The funniest part? The absolute irony? In all of the comments at the bottom, the author’s own replies have been (excuse me) “thumbed down” enough to not be visible, while everyone else makes ridiculous fun of him.

    OK, let the pud pullin’, unemployed hand-shakin’, Darth Vader battlin’, chicken chokin’, Onan the Barbarian euphamisms begin.

    Oh, the Terror(ism)!

    What follows is a reply to another blog post here. This reply was posted in the comments.
    ———-

    Should we argue semantics? Get all hung up on the “true” meanings of words? Yes. It’s why we have them.

    It’s why Charles Manson was a mass-murderer. Son of Sam a serial killer. Why guys who get tired of delivering the mail “go postal.”

    We have so many words to describe things, you really need to look at why.

    There are definitely double standards, which I think was the point of this post.

    When the Ft. Hood shootings happened, when it became public knowledge that the shooter’s last name was Hassan, immediately the media was filled with “was this an act of terrorism?” His shouting, “glory to god” (I believe the translation of Allah Akbar) didn’t help matters.

    Did anyone call the VA Tech shooter a terrorist? He wasn’t white. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t born here, either.

    There have been other school shootings, since Columbine, and since 9-11 – they are sadly almost cliche. How many of them were labeled “terrorism?”

    I’ll also point out that when that small private plane crashed into an apartment building in Manhattan (it killed a baseball player – I’m too lazy to look up details), “terrorism” was the initial, unqualified, panicked response, as people there are still a bit edgy about planes flying into buildings. (turned out someone just fucked up)

    People who protested the last presidential administration were labeled “terrorists,” or at the very least terrorist sympathizers. What terror did they instill – in anyone other than elected officials?

    The riots in LA after the Rodney King verdict – terrorism? Or rioting?

    We have violence. We have crime. We have violent crime. We also, now, have legally defined “hate crimes.” Beating up someone for being gay – terrorism? I know for a fact a lot of homosexuals who might otherwise come out to their communities don’t for fear of physical assault, among other things. They live in constant fear.

    All bigots are terrorists? The KKK certainly did a lot to instill fear in black communities. There are, sadly, very many white-supremacist groups. They are organized. They have a political and social agenda. They use violence and fear of more violence to convey their message. Perhaps their time has come to be labeled appropriately?

    Violence directed (rightly or no) against a government office – terrorism? With what message? “We’re going to resist paying more taxes!” or was it, “I’m destroying everything and I’m taking you with me!”

    At risk of going off on a tangent, do I think taxes are fair? The way they’re currently levied, no. The tax burden is ridiculously upside down in this country. But I do believe in taxation. We all live in a community, a society, and derive a benefit from that, and we all need to contribute to that to make it work for all of us. I like roads. I like schools. I like police and fire departments. I believe those who derive the largest benefit should contribute the largest amount. That would be the corporations that have judicial and legislative systems that create and enforce laws for their benefit.

    The clerk, who wanted a secure job with a pension, checking to see if your returns were filled out properly, is not evil incarnate (typically) and does not deserve to be murdered.

    If you attend an organized protest of the wars in Afghanistan, you can, under the PATRIOT act, be grabbed up off the street, held as an “enemy combatant,” without bail, without advice of an attorney, subjected to “enhanced interrogation” such as water boarding, even though you’re a US citizen, all without being charged with anything other than being a suspected “terrorist.”

    A guy flying a plane into an IRS building in a fit of destructive, violent, homicidal rage? I wouldn’t be too quick to apply the term “terrorist” to him. Throwing labels around like that and some of them might bounce back and stick.

    I have a shiny new penny!

    My cat has fur in her ears!

    Cheese is my friend!

    Because I’m following the Rethink Afghanistan page on Facebook, I went and visited the White House’s page. At their suggestion, I clicked on “Just Fans.

    I wept a little, on the inside.

    Since then, I’ve been going there, posting whatever bits of fluff enter my tiny brain.

    My underpants tell time!

    Waiting, just waiting for the inevitable, “dude wtf is ur problme srsly?”

    To which I can say, “Oh, I thought we were all screaming nonsense.”

    Purple makes my nose tickle!

    It is, sadly, as effective as reasoned debate – with a cat.

    Published in: on January 27, 2010 at 4:01 pm  Leave a Comment  

    Glenn Beck, Super Genius

    Why do we continue to watch beck? For the same reason we continue to watch Wile E. Coyote. Both are perceived as evil (the coyote is, after all, just trying to eat), both keep coming up with more and more outlandish means to accomplish their ends, both are not taken seriously by their main adversaries (the only time the road runner even acknowledges the coyote is when he has to step out of the way), and both of them are doomed to failure.

    And so we can’t turn away. They keep trying, they keep failing, and we keep watching that failure, every party wondering who among them will be the least persistent and eventually give up.

    Unlike the coyote (who somehow can afford – and find for purchase – rocket skates, but not a cheeseburger), Beck wants you to watch – that’s his purpose. The more outrageous he gets, the more people go, “oh no he di’int,” and tune in.

    And unlike the emaciated coyote, Beck knows where his next meal is coming from.

    (via Salon.com: Progressives are like slave owners; and LA Times: Slavery was a liberal cause.)

    Published in: on October 22, 2009 at 11:51 am  Leave a Comment  
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    if only we were running out of crazy people…

    more of the same, this time with audio goodness

    Michele Bachmann: “We’re Running Out Of Rich People In This Country”

    * ACORN is “under federal indictment for voter fraud,” but the stimulus bill nevertheless gives ACORN “$5 billion.” (In reality, ACORN is not under federal indictment and isn’t mentioned in the stimulus bill at all.)

    * the stimulus bill includes a measure to create a “rationing board” for health care, and after the bill becomes law, “your doctor will no longer be able to make your healthcare decisions with you.”

    * the recovery package is part of a Democratic conspiracy to “direct” funding away from Republican districts, so Democratic districts can “suck up” all federal funds. Bachmann doesn’t think this will work because, as she put it, “We’re running out of rich people in this country.”

      blog it
    Published in: on February 24, 2009 at 12:29 pm  Leave a Comment  
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    “Running out of rich people?”

    It might be technically correct, as fewer and fewer collect and hoard more and more of the money, but is the biggest economic problem in this country really hurting the richest of us in a way comparable to how it’s hurt everyone else?

    clipped from dccc.org

    Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, a national GOP figure, actually said that one of her excuses for ‘just saying no’ to President Obama’s economic recovery bill was because “We’re running out of rich people in this country.”

      blog it
    Published in: on February 24, 2009 at 11:51 am  Leave a Comment  
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    the pig likes it

    There was one rule I used to espouse to others when entering into a flame war. “Do Not Feed the Bears.” It just keeps them coming back, doesn’t it? There’s a reason they tell you not to feed the animals when going through the drive-through safari. You may have seen the videos of the hoards of baboons scrambling to get into someone’s car after they made the mistake of rolling down their window to offer a peanut.

    On the one hand, I should be grateful someone is reading what I write. But what to do when your new “fan” is someone whose time is occupied with “BLLARRGGHHH!!! DEMOCRATSARETHEWORSTEVAR!! OBAMA’S THE MOST FAILED PRESIDENT OF ALL TIMES!!!! HE’SCORRUPTANDEVILWE’REALLDOOOOMMED!!!!!”? So what if they’re the only person to date who’s ever thought enough about my blog to leave a comment?

    It’s like, “I really like what you say, it strikes a cord with me. By the way, I molest children.”

    Perhaps that’s an extreme analogy, but when you’re dealing with someone form whom the Biggest Threat to OWL (Our Way of Life) is gays marrying, well, there’s not much reason you can interject into the discussion.

    There’s a part of me, a part that I’m finding difficult to let go of, that still believes there’s something, some phrasing, some analogy, some way of illustrating the situation, some fact, that’s just waiting to be said out loud, because the other party just hasn’t heard it or considered it, and suddenly the lights will go on – there will be that “aha!” moment and all will be clear. I’ve been trying to do that with my mother for more than 40 years, and it hasn’t worked yet. Sometimes the reason train runs express and doesn’t stop at every station.

    My first inclination, of course, is to wade into the fracas with, “but you realize Bush…” but that would immediately equate me with these very same people who responded to any criticism of George II with, “b-b-b-but Clinton…”

    It doesn’t matter how faulty their logic, you cannot win an “I’m rubber, you’re glue” argument.

    There really is no argument to win – and that’s the issue. I had classes in how to argue in college. (Well, to argue anywhere, not just in college.) It was actually called Critical Reasoning and Argument. An “argument” makes a Claim, supported by Grounds and established with a Warrant. See, “reasoning” was the key. An argument was only valid when no one could refute your grounds or find fault in your warrant. We spent more than half the class covering fallacies – the ad hominem argument, the “appeal to authority,” the straw man, etc. (there are scores of them) – or faulty reasoning. (or not reasoning at all.) Like all logical tests, you just have to find one instance – no matter how far-fetched – where it doesn’t work to invalidate it. The grounds, or “facts,” were often left to interpretation.

    See, Logic doesn’t tolerate hypocrisies. If it’s right, it’s right, if it’s wrong, it’s wrong. I have very little compassion for the hate-filled hearts that are white supremacists (OK, none). But I do feel poor little Adolph Hitler and Aryan Nation should be returned to their parents. It doesn’t matter than some would like to see the parents beaten with pipes, the state, so far, hasn’t provided adequate grounds for removing them.

    Likewise, President Obama has taken an oath of the office – he’s sworn to uphold, defend and protect the Constitution. It doesn’t matter he exact wording used. It doesn’t matter what kind of bible his hand was on, if it was on one at all, or which hand was raised. For 8 years we were told, “he was elected, he’s president, suck it up, deal with it.” Yet now it seems open to discussion.

    There’s another aphorism that goes, “you’re the one who ends up stinking if you get into a fight with a skunk.” The point of dictionary definition argument is to resolve conflict – to present ideas to come to agreement. There is nothing to be gained from endlessly hurling “you suck!” “no, you suck!” at each other. Put another way, what do you get when you get into an argument with an idiot? Two idiots. You’d be better arguing with the cat you just ran over that it shouldn’t be dead, or with the rain that it shouldn’t be falling out if the sky.

    There are some, unfortunately, who revel in the slugfest. They’ll hurl barbs and insults, the more outrageous and unfounded the better, for the whole point of getting you to enter into the pissing contest – but only to point out to their compatriots how “unreasonable” you’re being. And that’s the point of all this. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it.

    (I ended up replying to the thread anyway. They set the bait and I took it. I’m weak that way.)

    Published in: on January 27, 2009 at 1:16 pm  Comments (1)  
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    Commies are Pink, Herrings are Red; Republicans stink, you heard what I said

    “Patriotism is supporting your country all of the time, and your government when it deserves it.” – Samuel Clemens

    Last week, Gov. Sarah Palin and Rep. Michele Bachmann accused progressives of not being “real Americans.”

    This week, conservatives have decided to brand progressives as “Communists,” “Socialists,” “Marxists” and “Redistributors” for supporting tax policies that help middle-class families.

    We’ve had enough.

    http://www.iamproamerica.com

    We believe that in difficult times, it’s been Progressive leadership that has put our country back on track.

    We believe that we can rebuild our economy in a way that helps every American – not just the richest.

    We believe that health care is a right, not a privilege.

    We believe that we can build an education system that truly leaves no child behind.

    We believe in the American Dream.

    I am Pro-America. I am Progressive.

    http://www.iamproamerica.com

    I am Pro-America

    Published in: on October 29, 2008 at 3:04 pm  Leave a Comment  
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